Of Spandex and Kings
by Metonomia
Summary: When our heroine finds herself walking from a street in California to the hallways of Cair Paravel, romantic and exciting culture clash ensues. Co-written with Caleon and writeonkate.


How to explain this...some alternate titles for it might be helpful. This little tale could also be called What Happens in Chat, Doesn't Necessarily Stay in Chat; A Joke About Certain Parts of Narnia Fandom; or Three Crazy Women Mix Romance Novels with Narnian Fanfiction. Caleon and Kate and I were in the NFFR chat one day and this is the fleshed out result. We will probably find it more funny than you. That is alright.

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"_Oh, Susanna, you ravishing beauty, let me take you away from all this!"_

"_Oh, Clive," she whispered as he began to rip her bodice from her willing body…_

Koryna snapped her book shut, throwing it aside and sighing, tossing a long strand of her nearly-white blonde hair over her shoulder and unknowingly drawing the attention of every male around her.

"Why must these romance novels always be the same?" she asked her less-beautiful but loyal best friend, Jane. "I'm so tired of always reading about bodices being ripped off, and heaving breasts and manly arms. I would never let a man at my body just because he called me beautiful." Jane giggled.

"If you did that you'd have to accept every man in the world!"

Koryna laughed heartily, her straight white teeth gleaming in the California sun and her cornflower blue eyes sparkling with wit and youthful joy.

"In any case, I have standards. And a desire for originality. No more bodices – a story about Spandex!" she exclaimed, gesturing at her own volleyball shorts and sports bra. "Now that would be a great story."

"Oh, Koryna, you are so unique and smart! Maybe you should write it! I'm sure it would be wonderful."

"Maybe I should," Koryna responded as the two girls began to walk their separate ways. "I'll see you tomorrow!"

Koryna loped home gracefully on her long, tan legs, reveling in the good weather and her good life. She was really just a normal American teenager, she reflected. Naturally beautiful, skinny, with good taste in clothes and Hollywood hairstyles, Koryna lived with her parents and her younger sister Eryn. She sometimes felt angsty and rebellious because her parents loved Eryn more than they loved her, but her graceful spirit and natural charm had let her come through her formative years without harm. Despite her trust issues, she was a confident young woman, loved by all who met her.

Koryna took the turn onto her street and suddenly found herself walking along a stone corridor. Confused, she twisted her head about as she moved quickly up the hall, and so did not see the handsome young man in front of her until she ran directly into him, tripping forward so that they both stumbled backwards and into his room before he caught and steadied her.

"Who are you?" she demanded, completely missing the sight of his rich clothing and the golden crown that rested atop his equally golden hair.

"Why, I am Peter, the High King of Narnia! Who are you, my lady? And why," he asked, "are you dashing about my castle with no clothes on!" His eyes bugged out adorably as he took in her form-fitting and revealing outfit. Koryna scolded herself for being so attracted to him right away, but at the same time she could not help but notice the large and comfortable bed lurking behind him and the gorgeous structure of his face, and the pleasant quality of his voice. Despite her years of trouble trusting people, Koryna trusted this man right away, and was eager to get to know him.

Some time later, having completed a long and confusing discussion of time, magic, and 21st century clothing, Koryna found herself being kissed by the King and despite a momentary hatred for her own weakness at falling in love so quickly, she was more than happy to oblige him.

"What is this? I can stretch it and it snaps right back...?" Peter asked, pausing from his heated lust to figure out the material she wore.

"Ow!" Koryna said, swatting at his hand. "It's Spandex, King of my Heart!"

"Spandex? What is this Spandex?"

"Why, my liege, it's rather like elastic... you know what that is, certainly," Koryna replied.

"Elastic? No, we have none of that in Narnia - what is it?"

"Honestly, how do you keep your drawers up without it?" she asked, glancing at his now mostly unclothed body.

"Drawers? We're supposed to wear drawers?"

"Oh you know what I mean - these!" she said, grabbing at his undisclosed style of undergarment.

"MADAM!!"

"What?" She giggled innocently and continued attempting to undress him, feeling much like she imagined Bella Swan must have when trying to seduce Edward.

"Koryna, we have only just met!"

"And yet here we are in your bedroom together," she said, tossing her hair, and as she did Peter noticed a mark across her shoulder that upon closer inspection proved to be an image of a heart connected to angel wings.

"That is _most_ fascinating," he breathed, touching the inked-on picture, and Koryna felt a fresh wave of pride in her choice of "tramp stamp," as her mother had so unlovingly called the tattoo.

"Why thank you! But Peter, you're getting off topic - I mean really, the benefits of Spandex ... especially on _you_… think of it."

"But they are so very _odd_," he exclaimed, glancing warily at her.

"Peter, if you do not get over your irrational fear of my garments, I will leave you this instant and make you a very unsatisfied King indeed!"

Peter pouted as Koryna hopped off the bed and exited the room.

"Wait - come back! I want you to explain this Spandex to me! Maybe we could remove it for closer inspection!"

Koryna raced into the hall past a confused faun and a shocked centaur.

"How _does_ one remove it? WAIT!" Peter called, running after her and remarking how nothing moved except her legs as she ran.

Edmund, walking by, noticed the strange scene. "Peter, is she NAKED?!?"

"No, Ed, it's her clothes! They're made of Spandex! I just need to catch her and she'll explain it all to me. This is the next big thing, brother, I'm telling you!" And with a mind full of pleasing images for the future clothing traditions of Narnian women, Peter ran off to pursue his mysterious modern woman.

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The End.

*facepalm*


End file.
